7 ways to spot red flags in people and how to deal with them

Have you ever trusted someone deeply, only to later realise they weren’t who you assumed them to be? It’s easy to miss the subtle signs that build up as major red flags over time. Spotting and dealing with red flags is not about trust but more about awareness. You have to stay alert and look around if you think things are going out of track, be it in any relationship, friendship, at work or just in general.

Here are a few red flags you be aware of and how can you deal with them if spotted.

You feeling drained after interacting with them
Have you ever spent time with someone and felt utterly exhausted afterward? This is a significant indicator of a red flag. Pay attention to how you feel after your interactions. If you leave feeling energized, it’s a good sign to keep that person in your life. However, if you often feel drained or overwhelmed, it might be time to reassess your relationship or friendship with that person. Trust your instincts; they are often right.
If someone consistently leaves you feeling tired, consider limiting your time with them. It’s essential to prioritize your emotional energy. Communicate openly about how their behaviour affects you, and if they do not respond positively, it may be best to distance yourself further.

Gaslighting you
Gaslighting is a form of manipulation where a toxic person makes you question your own reality or feelings. They might deny things that have happened, making you feel confused about what is real. For example, if you bring up a past argument and they say, “That never happened,” it can leave you doubting your memory. Another common tactic is when they accuse you of being overly sensitive, saying things like, “You’re just taking it the wrong way,” even when their words were hurtful. This kind of behaviour can seriously affect your mental health, as it erodes your confidence and makes you second-guess yourself. It’s important to recognise gaslighting and seek support if you find yourself in such a situation.
Maintain clarity by documenting conversations and events that seem distorted by the person’s narrative. Trust your feelings and avoid engaging in debates about what “really happened.” Set firm boundaries regarding acceptable behaviour and seek support from friends or professionals when needed.
Observe how they handle disagreements and fights
Disagreements are a normal part of any relationship, but how a person deals with conflict can tell you a lot about their character. Pay attention to whether they apologise when they’re wrong, listen to your point of view, and try to find a solution together. If they admit their mistake and discuss how to avoid it in the future, that shows maturity. On the other hand, if they blame you for the problems, refuse to talk about the issue, or make you feel bad for bringing it up, these are signs of disrespect and immaturity. For instance, if they say, “This is all your fault,” or dismiss your feelings, it’s a clear red flag that needs addressing.
If their approach to conflict is unhealthy, set clear boundaries about communication. Encourage open discussions and express your need for mutual respect during disagreements. If they refuse to change, consider whether this relationship is worth pursuing.
How they talk and treat Strangers
A quick way to gauge someone’s character is by observing how they treat those who cannot offer them anything in return, such as waitstaff or drivers. If they are rude or dismissive towards these individuals, it reflects poorly on their character.
If you notice disrespectful behaviour towards others, address it directly. Explain that kindness should extend to everyone, regardless of their status. If the person reacts defensively or continues this behaviour, it may be a sign of deeper issues.

They use Manipulative Language
Be cautious of phrases such as “You’re overreacting,” “I was just joking,” or “It’s your fault I feel this way.” These kinds of statements often indicate manipulation and are designed to make you question your own feelings and reactions. If someone dismisses your concerns by saying, “You’re being too sensitive,” they are trying to shift the blame onto you. Another example is when they say, “I didn’t mean it like that,” after making a hurtful comment, which can make you doubt your own feelings. Toxic individuals often use these tactics to control how you think and feel, so it’s important to recognise them and protect your emotional well-being.
Spot these manipulative tactics and don’t hesitate to confront them. Practice assertiveness by clearly stating that such language is unacceptable. Establish firm boundaries with the person
Their words and actions do not match
When a person’s words don’t match their actions, it can lead to a sense of distrust. If someone promises to meet you for coffee but repeatedly cancels at the last minute, it shows they may not value your time. Another example is when they apologise for being late but continue to do so without making any effort to improve. Additionally, if they ask you to trust them while giving you reasons not to like breaking commitments or being secretive it raises red flags. Trust your instincts in these situations, if something feels off, it likely is. Spotting this disconnect is essential for maintaining healthy relationships.
You can keep track of instances where their actions contradict their words. Trust your instincts, if something feels off, it likely is. Have an open chat about the differences you’ve noticed and decide if the relationship can be saved based on how they respond.
By staying aware and applying the ways to deal with them, you can now deal social interactions with greater confidence. Remember, your instincts are powerful trust them!